dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
