You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
