your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Church boner. Awkwardddd
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
