and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
