the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
