:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
