Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I fill condoms, not promises.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
