I just made out with a guy for $7.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
