I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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