I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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