then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Randomize
