great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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