Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
