Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
