i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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