I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
