so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
