I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
