No awkward lesbian experiences without me
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Man, jail baloney is awful.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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