I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
