Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
