So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
