I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
