so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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