I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
