there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
