Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Randomize
