I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
She announced her abortion via fbk
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
