First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
