I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
