Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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