I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
