and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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