PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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