Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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