At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
