Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
