then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
