My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Randomize
