Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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