he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
