I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
