U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
