Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
