He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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