you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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