Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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