you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
