Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
