Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
