I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
