weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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