He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
