Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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