I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
